Q:*poke* which ball is most likely to capture you o.o?
No ball! I have a modified pokewatch that protects me from pokeyballs!
[Blog] You can’t help
No, you can’t. Or at least, you’re not likely to.
I’m shy by nature, I always was. The only thing is that I can gain confidence and overcome that to a certain extent, which lately I have.
Thing is, that doesn’t solve the problem. I’m on meds, okay? Since I was 6 or 7. For stupid ADHD and dunno what else. I’m still am. I can’t easily show my feelings, and with meds atop of that I can’t actually do it properly, if at all. Most of the time I’ll show as happy, which is good… except that if I’m not really happy on the inside I can’t actually show it.
Which I am not, most of the time, just the illusion of having real friends is what keeps me up.
Why Illusion, you may ask?
Well, aside from the fact that I have, errr little or no friends IRL, out of all the friends I have, just 10 or so actually care for me.
On the other way round, I actually care, or at least, try to my best, but I’m not a pro at social stuff, I never was, I never learnt much about it, and if those I care don’t care for me back I quickly lose interest and I just show a shallow interest. Not my fault really, if I put effort on one, while I have trouble in doing so and I don’t get the reaction I expect, I just move on.
I get to know many users that ‘want to be my friend’ but actually put little to no effort in getting to know me. Yeah sure, I’m very open and I give almost every user I think we have something in common a chance, but selfom that chance is used, at all. As I said, I’m shy, really shy, IRL even, I just get confidence and overcome it sometimes. I’ll say this again, if I approach one and I want to be friends but I don’t get that the other wants, I just move on, is that simple.
On the other hand, if I see that some user approachs me and actually is doing an effort in trying to be my friend, I am most likely to reply in the same way, unless there’s something about the other that bothers me badly, or I feel we don’t share enough traits. Tho most of the time, that user just give up too easily or don’t bother to grow the friendship more, something I actually expect the other to do. (Because at that point, I’ll do my part of trying to be friends and I expect the same treatment).
We all are hypocrites, of course. Maybe I did the same to one and I didn’t realise, maybe I don’t reply in the way the other expect, because there’s something that bothers me, there’s always a reason. you can or you can not blame me, if it’s my fault, probably is.
If that’s the case, you can chose between trying to understand me and keep in, or leaving me. It’s not that I’m worth of anything, really.
So in short, if you want to be a ‘real’ friend of mine, at least reply when I show interest, and I’ll do the same when you do. If you’re obnoxious I will quickly lose interest.
Now to the other point, why you can’t help?
If it’s for IRL friends, yeah, you definitely can’t, unless you happen to live in my area, which you don’t, so… Don’t even bother, I already know what I have to do if I wanted friends IRL, I don’t need some guy telling me what I know. I don’t easily blend with those that don’t share the interest I do, and those I know IRL aren’t friend potential for me. And those I know that could be friend potential for me just don’t care. And those that actually are my friends aren’t where I live anymore, so…
Moving out of that, I can get friends online, but that’s not what I need. I already have some friends that (I think) care for me (Mostly).
What I need is a special one that could fip that gap in my heart I lack.
Sadly that’s almost impossible. I’m quite complicated and I don’t think I ‘really’ fell in love with other. I may have ‘liked’ other, but if I don’t get the same level of reaction I give I quickly lose interest, maybe it’s because the meds I take, perhaps, perhaps that makes thing more difficult for me to get a special one, I bet. And if there’s something that bothers me lots on others I quickly friendzone them also.
I hate myself for that, I never really had a true special one for most of those reasons and, frankly, noone ever cared enough ot that level, and even if they did, it was fake.
And having a best friend that makes you smile or a bit happy is not the same as having a special one that makes you happy and brightens up your day. I don’t think I ever had the latter.
Could I have it? Yeah sure, but I don’t think I’m ever worthy of anyone in that aspect.
What do I have? It’s weird because I ever hardly get that kind of attention, so I might have little to nothing in value. I don’t know.
Or perhaps I’m just too socially weird to be worthy of anyone, or too hard to get to worth the effort. Don’t know. But I hardly approach other with that intention on my own since I’m kinda asexualdemisexual or something and I can like but hardly ever love. I don’t understand love, at least that’s what I think. I don’t know if I ever felt it. Can I feel love? Maybe? I don’t know, I don’t know if anyone but my parents wanted me to feel loved.
And if I don’t know how is it, I certainly would be hard for me to make the other feel loved. I don’t know, I can try, I guess? In any case still I don’t think I’m worthy of anyone, if anything.
So, still, if you want to help, to be a good friend, at least make sure to make me smile, asking me how I am, stuff like that. I am likely to be as good friend as you try to be with me. I think…
You won’t be able to fix what I lack, what I really need, probably. Even if you want, but you can’t, you’re likely to do more harm than good. Bothering me of stuff you can’t help just annoys me in the inside.
Better off being a good friend. I guess.
Still, not worth of anyone.
Anti brony logic coming from a pokefur yiffer:
"!I hate you because you like Ponies! I will attack you and harrass you for what you like, hope you die in a hole, horsefucker! Noone likes you!
…Now excuse me while I continue fapping to gay porn of my pokemon OC and enjoying sexual fantasies with it”
Is not that you’re not doing the exact thing, but with Pokemon.
If you’re going to harrass anyone, at least make sure you’re not doing what you’re harrasing for, but with other series.
I can’t express myself.
I can’t, really.
Lately I was using twitter to talk about my feelings but I feel it’s not the right place to do it. And I’m running out of choices, tbh.
I’m an expert on faking my own feelings that’s why when “I show sad” it’s just part of the story. And I hardly ever I am allowed to show that I’m sad, since it always attract unneeded attention.
And by what I mean unneeded attention? By those that “Want to help” but don’t care otherwise. Thing is, when you see someone sad you will normally try to help him/her, no? That’s good. but there’s something. If you have few friends, or few contacts, having someone that wants to help you, even if that guy inside doesn’t care that much about you, does help. On the other hand, if you have lots of contacts (Or friends), you will find that like, half of them ‘want’ to help, while the other half simply don’t care. And if you’re feeling sad for some reason, and suddenly, like 25 users bombard you with messages, it does more harm than good.
At that times I’d love to have a really closer friend that I’m not shy to talk about that stuff, and not a huge wave of ‘friends’ that don’t know what’s going on with me but want to ‘help’.
I am extremely picky, I might talk to some friends about certain stuff but not talk about other stuff with them but rather with others. It’s hard to explain, really. It’s weird. I might not be shy at all with those that ‘I think’ that think about the same as me and are like me. I might or might have not find that one person I can relate to, way of thinking, likings, studies, etc… yet I feel I’m nowhere near good enough to be real friends with someone that’s like me, but I find that I’m nowhere near good to be at least good friends with that person.
See, you’re good at what I would love to be good at, you do what I would love to do and are like me yet, why the fuck you’d want to be friends with some pathetic being like I am? There’s no reason, honestly. And that saddens me each time, because even if I’m nice like always I feel that I don’t deserve anything and I should be left alone and not have any chances.
What I have achieved, really? Caring for others, and helping? Meh, that’s something that every reasonable user should do (But like 5% do). Managing something valuable that I think bring cheer and joy to some site? Meh, every prick that actually has a brain can do it, I just happen to know how to do it. Being part of the bones of the Steam trading community? Meh, I’m just a “janitor” not a ‘big name’ I dont’ deserve anything.
It might take me other half a year to ‘have’ the basics knownledges that person has, yet in the meantime, I can ‘try’ to be a good friend with that one, but I know perfectly I don’t deserve anything and I should be left to rot.
Both a blessing and a curse, even if I someday manage to be as good, I would have to be enduring the pain of knowing the fact that I can only watch, but never be part of, at all.
This still leaves me witth the fact that I’m living the lie of not being able to show how I feel, even after I take pills and weird stuff my parents make me to take, I can still feel pain, I can still feel sad, but I can’t show it, just ‘pretend’ that I show it, or hide it slightly to not attract attention.
In any case, how many of my ‘friends’ care in any case?
You can ask “how’ya doing today?” but, do you actually care about the reply and what you asked? Or you just did to be nice?
Main way to see if they actually care is if to see that they’re trying to be your friend and not just “for the sake of it”.
Some say I even have some kind of ‘fame’ on Steam for some reason. Do I care about that? Absolutely not, but lately I have to be much more careful about those that want to ‘be my friends’ because they think I’m popular or something, and those that have genuine thoughts of being my friend.
Yes I might have many “friends” somewhere, but that doesn’t mean that every guy there is ‘my friend’ rather I have each for a reason, and few, very few actually are in my “favorite” list of friends, because I trust in them. But even so, even if I trust them and I want them to care for me, I see that most don’t actually care
Yeah most, some actually show they do… sometimes, which is good!, because I trust them to the point that I expect them to treat me the same way I do, which often, doesn’t happen.
I can recall we’re all hypocrites, tbh. I can sometimes forget that a friend might be sad or something. But I don’t do that because I don’t exactly care (It can happen tho) but rather because I can do so much with every one I try to keep up with, or just simply because I don’t know the best way to help them, because if I try to help and I don’t know well, I might do more harm than good (The same ‘can’ happen to friends that think about me but aren’t aware on how to help me)…
That last sentece “Don’t know how to help me”, means so much. If you don’t know me, yet you consider me as a friend, you can try to help, but you’re likely to fail and only show me dubious messages that you might be trying to help ‘just cause’ or because you are genuinely interested in me. I have no idea. I can’t know. I’d rather have the benefit of the doubt and not have you in the spotlight.
So yeah, basically, I am more ‘complex’ than some might imagine, which is always good (I suppose). Some that don’t know me and just listen to hearsay, might think I’m a jerk, a selfish egoistical or something, which is far from true, but those trolls just listen to hearsay so you can’t do anything about it.
One of the reasons I love “Questions & answers” is because I expect the other to ask me personal stuff so they can know how I am, as I do the same for them, so I can eventually know how to help them and viceversa (Not to mention it’s fun!)
That’s why when I suddenly find other that is actually extremely similar to you, I get happy. But then I see that I’m not good enough to be part of that, and I get sad, like now. Yes I can keep contact and talk, but until I get to know that I can be matched and be treated like an equal from that person, I will stay hiding my feelings, after all, that’s what (I think) I do best.
Also if you’ve read all of this, congrats, that’s one step more to know about me. Just don’t try to ‘help’ if you never bothered to ask me stuff or get to know me, and even so I can only give details about stuff to so few ‘friends’. So… just let me ‘suffer’ and be an hypocrite alone, I guess.
"After the trade u will give $1500 into your steam wallet if it doesn’t I will send u another trade offer and give u $3000"
So I don’t understand, first he tells you that you will have to give yourself 1500$, and if it fails, he sends the offer again but this time he gives you 3000$?
Where’s the logic, does he actually think the other guy is that stupid to believe the message is from Steam? Even after it is said million times that such feature doesn’t exist?
Thanks “Ƒãпɋмøп” for reporting in SR!
””[Θ≈PrΘ’§≈Θ]: can i borrow all your keys ? and metal after in 3 min i will give you an unusual for demoman with an scorching flames effect if its just right with you”“
Thanks “Dark Negative” for reporting in SR!